This is a "Dear Abby" question...?_encourage a co-worker to do better_Quality Improvement Agency-Quality Improvement Agency

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This is a "Dear Abby" question...?

Tag：encourage a co-worker to do better Encourage |

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blakelyc... 2008-04-02 09:37:44 Publish:

How would you advise this person. My friend (a gal) is attracted to one of her co-workers (a guy). I really respect my friend; she is an older woman of 59 years old. The man she is attracted to is 25 years old.

My friend is an intelligent attractive woman, who looks a lot younger than she is. She's active, in good shape and is very vivacious. She and her co-worker work well together.

My friend is African-American; the co-worker is White. She's always talking about this guy and it's driving me crazy!!!! She swears this guy is attracted to her; but he won't come near her because of the age difference. Not only the age but the race factor too.

Should I tell her to forget about her chances with this guy; or encourage her to make the first move? Is she being unrealistic about this relationship ever happening?

By the way; I just found out my ex-sister-in-law (who is 55 yrs. old) is in a relationship with a 22 year old guy!!! Go figure!!! Is this a new trend? Thanks..(blakelyc...)

gosh, I sure don't see it happening. But like you, I've known of couples with huge age differences like that. I guess she doesn't know until she tries it. Don't tell her to stay away because then what if you turn out to be wrong? But don't encourage her either because what if he rejects her after she takes your advice? Myself, I'd just be tired of hearing about it, I'd discourage her from continuing to talk to you about it by turning away, looking distracted, and saying "mmm" in response to everything.(Janelle)

I wouldn't do anything, encourage or discourage. If things are meant to be then fate will intervene, so leave it up to destiny. Just be a friend and support her.(typerchi...)

Obviously your friend is physically attracted to this guy and there's nothing wrong with that! For what it's worth, you should tell her to go for it! If sex is all she can get out of it, well, so be it. Maybe that's all she's after. If anything else some out of the relationship, that's great. Let her decide about the age and race difference for she is the only one who will have to pay the consequences or reap the benefits!(SexRexRx)

Why is this any of your business? Has she asked you for your opinion or for your help? If not, just support her if she asks for support. There is nothing wrong with the fact that the man is younger OR black. When two people care for one another and are good to one another, that is ALL that matters. I wish her luck. Luck to your ex sister-in-law too.(health buff)

I think both your sister and this other lady have serious issue problems and should seek the help of therapists! Do they seriously think that this will be a forever situation. Good grief how desperate are these women? You know what, leave them to their own devices. Dont get involved. The situation is rediculous and pathetic to say the least. You have two women here who are totally desperate and anything will do. I think they are grossly immature. They couldnt make it with their husbands and are under complete deception. Walk away - dont make their problems yours. Shake the dust off your feet and walk away and dont even think of looking back!(uniquech...)

Women in their sexual prime will tend to seek out men in their prime as well. Let her make the mistakes on her own.(killbasa...)

I'm with a woman who is five years older and of a different race (I am white and she is Brazilian). I don't think it really matters. Both people need to be at the same point in their lives or have similar goals or future plans stuff like that.

I would not get involved with anyone at work. That would be a new set of problems.(Catch)

let her make her own choice. as for always hearing about him, be polite. you don't want to ruin your friendship with her over a comment made that she may take the wrong way. as was said before support her decision whatever happens.(julesing...)

May-December relationships have always been around. And I think they always will be around. Just, let her do her own thing, if it'll work, it'll work. Encourage her to follow her heart. Sure there are plenty of barriers society has made for us, and I'm not sure how this particular guy feels about them, it may happen, it may not. They'll find out.(Mandalee...)

First, you may have to accept that you may not have influence on what your friend thinks or does. Unfortunately, "wise counsel" is frequently taken poorly and can result in changing or ending a friendship.

Second, acting on this "interest" of hers would be wrong. 29 years of age difference is too significant. It is also something in a workplace setting which could cause a great deal of problems for all involved.

Third, I suspect there is more going on here, but it really needs to be addressed. Some might call it a "mid life crisis" but the trick here is to get the help she needs and not hurt herself or someone else because of it.

I wish your friend the best of luck(blueiron...) Yahoo: Encourage This is a "Dear Abby" question...? encourage a co-worker to do better
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